Summer Has Started and I'm Already Sore

POSTED ON: Monday, June 4, 2012 @ 9:21 PM | 0 comments

So, last Thursday I graduated from high school (I'm stuck between depressed and excited over that...) and since then, I have only managed to sleep in once. My graduation started at 9 AM, and we had to be there at 8, which meant leaving the house at 7, which meant getting up at 6. So I didn't get to sleep in then. Then on friday I went on a camping trip with my church (which also required waking up at 6 AM) that was such a blast.

Oh, here's my diploma :D


Nifty huh? The graduation itself was pretty interesting, but so exhausting. I'm not sure what it is about sitting around waiting for your name to call that is so tiring, but I was dead on my feet afterwards. Boyfriend was kind of concerned about how sleep I was.

So, needless to say, on the six hour drive to Benton, TN I was worn out. But in the end the ride was worth it. I mean, just look at this view!


It was absolutely breath taking. We went up in the mountains to camp (like, legit camp. In a tent, on the ground, with bugs all over us), and I spent the entire weekend praising God for creating such a beautiful place. Everything about it was gorgeous, and I'm kind of sad that my phone died before I could get a picture of the waterfall, which was amazing as well.

And the trip ended up being a success!! We went on this trip to welcome the new freshmen into our youth group, and to "initiate" those of us who hadn't gone on the trip before into the group "officially" (they make you preform some ritual they call unga bunga which I personally didn't like too much but it meant a lot to Boyfriend and the eight graders so I took part). We got to spend a lot of time with the incoming freshmen, and we talked to them about what they are going to face in high school and how to handle the pressures that come along with them. We also explained that, when you do mess up, God WILL forgive you if you come back to Him. And they all seemed really excited, if a little nervous. But marshmallows over the camp fire helped clear that up a bit :)


One thing that was bad about the trip though (besides the white water rafting totally beating me up, though I admit that was by far the best part of the trip) was it really reminded me how mush I miss wicca. I was a wiccan for a very, very long time and being so immersed in nature for the weekend reminded me of how much I loved it, and how much I miss it. I talked to Andrew about this and he suggested that I make sure I spend time in my Bible, and I think I'm going to do that. I have been kind of lazy with my quiet times lately, and that is no bueno D:

However, he did remind me that my favorite parts of wicca (holistic medicine, the study of the different languages, meditation, the morals and peaceful values, and worship rituals) aren't actually for any specific religion, and can easily be applied to Christianity, which I think I'm going to do. It was a huge part of me for a long time, and with me already being uncomfortable in the church I do think it would be better for me to take the things I was comfortable with in wicca and try to apply them to christianity, to get back a sense of normalcy. Holistic medicine, meditation, and language study are definitely some things I'm going to start working with again, and maybe once I'm stronger I'll start applying some of the worship techniques to christianity. And I've always held the values that wicca had, and I think the church should adopt some as well (putting others before self, having perfect love and perfect trust amongst each other, always pushing each other to be better as human beings, never being intolerant towards other people).

Don't get me wrong, in no way am I becoming a wiccan again, I'm just trying to combine the things that I really love in order to enable myself to worship and glorify God better. And I honestly think that this is right for me, but I'm going to pray on it and see.

Ending Prayer: God, please let me know if this is the right thing for me. Would it really be okay for me to combine these things, with the hopes of it making me stronger in my faith? I hope so, God, but I also don't want to do anything that could cause me to stumble. So I'm unsure. Please, let me know what you want. In your name. Amen.

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Oh My Goodness!!

POSTED ON: Thursday, May 17, 2012 @ 6:37 PM | 0 comments

It's been way too long. In all honesty, I completely forgot about my blog due to all of this crazy school stuff. Prom and graduation preparations and trying to get a job have all been on my mind lately, but now that I'm sick I'm starting to be like, "hey... why aren't I taking time for myself when this experience is supposed to be for me?" And that's when I start remembering to do things like this.

And that's also when I start joining a bunch of random websites and not actually keeping up with them... like this x-men role play on invision free... I joined, and then realized I had no idea how role plays on invision free even work. But it's okay, I'll figure it out when I'm not sick and all foggy-headed.

However, despite being all sick and gross lately, God has been doing some amazing things. For one, mine and Andrew's relationship has turned around, and we're all happy and lovey dovey again, and it's so nice. I missed being like that with him, but ever since he went to my prom with me things have been amazing. Also, I get to go on my youth group's white water rafting trip, which should be so much fun! And which, honestly, has been a sore spot for me. I feel really out of place and... unwanted at church sometimes, and when everyone but me gets to go on trips (especially ones where they have some secret ritual just for youth group members) that feeling gets even worse. So I'm so thankful that I finally get to go on it, and I know that it should be really fun.

And then there's everything that has to do with next year, like getting a job. God has placed amazing people in my life that are in the perfect position to help me get a job at UPS, so a few weeks ago when I called to ask about my application the woman said that she would schedule me for orientation in july and I could start then. And that's just so amazing! I'm so pumped about it! And then some friends from school will be going into the nursing program at the university with me, so I won't be alone. We're actually talking about moving into an apartment together after a year of college, and that should be so much fun.

Really, God is just obviously working in my life and it makes me feel so... loved. And I am so grateful towards Him for that. He truly is doing amazing things.

Oh man. I'm graduating in two weeks!! I'm so nervous!!

Ending Prayer: Lord, please be with me through these next two weeks. I'm so scared, and nervous. I really hope that after high school I'll be able to get my life together, and be the Godly woman I know you want me to be. And thank you so much for being so kind, Lord, and for doing so much for me. In your name, Amen.


p.s, here is a prom picture!!! It was an amazing night with my wonderful boyfriend <3 I love him so much!



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Sometimes I Feel Exceptionally Lonely

POSTED ON: Friday, April 20, 2012 @ 7:43 PM | 0 comments


I absolutely love this verse. It just completely embodies how much Christ is there for you, in my opinion. He takes care of us, and loves us, and doesn't let harm come to us. He protects us and carries us, and walks side by side with us when we feel the most alone. 

Christ is amazing.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. How sometimes, despite my boyfriend and my family and my few true friends, I just feel so alone. And empty. Feeling hallow is terrifying, and it's something that I struggle with sometimes. It worries me. It makes me wonder if something's wrong with me. But then I make myself think about God, and how He has never left my side. It feels wonderful to know that even when the world is kicking me while I'm down, Christ is picking me back up and helping me bandage the wounds. He's taking care of it. 

I think a lot of people forget this sometimes. It's easy to forget that He's there when you can't physically see Him, but if you sit real still and listen closely you can feel Him. You can feel that you're loved. You just have to pay attention, but that's something that not many people do these days. And I believe it's that oppressive loneliness and need for love and attention that drives people into certain sins, lust being the big one. When  you feel empty and lonely and unwanted what do you do? Either off yourself or try harder to gain that attention, even if it means dressing in fishnets and see through shirts, or sleeping with the entire football team. The people who do that, who we as Christians have a tendency to look down on for their immodesty and immorality, are probably some of the loneliest people we don't know. And those are the people that we should be talking to and loving on. Their cries for attention should be what draws us in to show them the love of God, and to remind them that they are never truly alone.

Of course, there's the exception to every rule. Occasionally they're genuinely happy, or at least believe they are, with the way their life is. But that doesn't mean we still shouldn't try, because Christ could make them so much happier. They just don't know it yet.

Ending Prayer: God, I pray that you'll give me the courage to be that person who befriends the lonely, and the broken, who are stuck in sin. I pray that you'll give me the wisdom and patience to help them, and the strength to keep myself from becoming them. And I pray that I'll always remember that I'm never alone, because it is scary to think that I am. The times when I have felt empty have been the worst in my life, and I don't want to go back to that. In Your name, Amen.

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So My Laptop Gave Up on Life

POSTED ON: Wednesday, April 18, 2012 @ 7:54 PM | 0 comments

Sorry for not posting any recently. My laptop decided it wanted to just give up on life, so I had to get a new one (which I love...) that my daddy built for me. It's so niiiice.

Anyway, while he was doing that I went off to church camp! It was a ton of fun, and the main focus was on David and his trials that are shown in the Bible, and how he handles them (sometimes well sometimes poorly). My favorite lesson was on relationships with parents, since my relationship with my stepmom is really strained, and it causes our family a lot of stress and pain I wish we could avoid.

Anyway, we talked about how even though David's king, and father-in-law, was trying to kill him he still respected his position an authority, to the point where he didn't kill the king when he had the chance. He had been chased to a dank cave and there is oppressor was, relieving himself, and he still didn't act. That's true respect right there.

And it should be that way, but I admit I have a hard time with it. Sometimes I just don't know what my parents want from me. If I speak I get in trouble, if I don't... I get in trouble.

So now, at church, we're having a series on parents and their children, and how to better relationships between them. And in our youth group? How to connect to your parents.

Sometimes God just hits you over the head with things, huh? Hopefully I'll be able to listen. And to convince my parents to attend the Parent Night at the end of the youth lessons. I doubt they'll want to, though, as neither of them are Christians. But I like to think that they would try, or seriously consider it, if I asked.

Well, now that that's out of my system, I'm going to watch How To Train Your Dragon and hit the hay.

Ending Prayer: Lord, I pray that I will be able to take all of this in. And that I will be able to better my relationship with my parents, because how can I hope to show them Your love when I struggle with showing them mine?  So help me gain the patience to learn from these lessons, and to better communicate with them. Thanks for everything, God. In Your name, Amen.

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OK Guys, it's Story Time

POSTED ON: Thursday, April 5, 2012 @ 8:24 PM | 0 comments

Today was... Well... Kind of excellent. There were some bumps in the road, of course, but over all it was a good day, and I'm so grateful for that. I've needed a genuinely good day for a while, and as always, God provided! So, why was it a good day? Well, I believe I did well on two tests (Adv English and Government and Politics), and I managed to finish my photo project AND get extra credit, and I discovered that my school has a Campus Life chapter!!!


Campus Life is like a youth group for your school. I'm kind of depressed that I didn't find out about this earlier, but I joined their meeting today and they welcomed me warmly. And some of them seem really devoted to God and spreading His word. It was so refreshing to finally be around some fellow Christians at my school (since it's a magnet school most of our students are agnostic or atheists, with a few pagans thrown in. There are very few Christians).

One of the big things we discussed was how to share your testimony, and as usual whenever this subject came up people immediately began expressing their fears about not having an "interesting story." Most of their reasons were things such as "I grew up in church," "nothing bad happened to me," and "my life is just boring."

Now, I didn't grow up in church, and some badish things have happened to me, but I can tell those of you who are worried about not having an "interesting story" that most people don't. Most of the people you'll meet throughout your lives will have lived equally boring lives and been relatively happy. These are the people you share your testimony with. Those are the people you were made to connect to! Sure, you weren't abused as a child and God didn't save you from a terrible home, but that's OK. Because the person you meet could be the middle-class college student who goes home to visit his parents every Christmas.

God is perfect. And He is the one who saved you, meaning He is the one who gave you your testimony. Which is perfect. God gave you a testimony with the intention of you using it, no matter what it is. He can and will find a use for it. If you have live a blessed, uneventful life then use that as your testimony! Talk to people about how God has helped and blessed you, because you can relate to so many people that I couldn't.

With my testimony involving some abuse, some crazy religious confusion, and a bad relationship with a parent, I can't relate to the people who haven't experience something awful in their lives. But you can. Just like it would be easier for me to relate to a victim of abuse. Even though your testimony may not be "awe-inspiring" or like some bad soap opera, it is still relatable. And useful. And perfect. Trust in God to give you the story He needs you to have.

....

I mentioned all of this during the Campus Life meeting and I believe one girl got offended. But she did come up afterwards and thank me for coming and said she hoped I came back, which was nice. I really like these people. It makes me so sad that I only have a month and a half to get to know them.

....

On another random note, one day my future husband will come home to this:


Ending Prayer:
Lord, I pray that the people in Campus Life will realize that their stories, no matter how "boring" they are, have been made perfect because of you, and that they're not about making our lives seem interesting but about showing how your love has changed and blessed us. 
In Your name I pray, Amen

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Time to Call the Doctor

POSTED ON: Wednesday, April 4, 2012 @ 7:29 PM | 0 comments

Today went pretty well if I'm truly honest. I haven't felt good today, and I struggled a bit with my temper (I'm trying really really hard to not be spiteful at the moment, and to just let things go. It's hard for me, guys), but other than that things were generally OK. I'm currently stressing out over my photography make-up assignment, but I trust that God will provide me with a way to get it done on time (please don't let it rain tomorrow, Lord!)

Also, over spring break- which is next week, I'm so excited- I have to do another photography project. This one is a subject that we can choose, so what I chose to do was the problems I have with self-image. I find it really hard to believe that I'm "beautifully and wonderfully made," despite knowing that I have no right to think that because I was created by the greatest artist in the universe. But having horrible eczema that causes me to constantly be covered in blisters and bumps and rashes and cuts makes it really hard to like the way I look.
So, since I'm doing body image I asked a few girls from church and a friend from school if I could take some photos of them in bathing suits or their underwear. My friend from school, Celia, agreed right off the bat without even asking why (she's pretty confident, and she's a good friend of mine so she knows I'm not a pervert...), but for the other girls I quickly had to explain before even asking, "Don't take this the wrong way cuz it's not for anything inappropriate, and your face won't be in it so no one will know it's you, but can I take half naked pictures of you for a photo project?" Needless to say, they were a little freaked out.
They eventually agreed though, and we made plans to get together and have a photo shoot. And go canoeing :D

Then, during our youth service, instead of having an actual worship and service we had a kind of family meeting. And it was really interesting. Our youth pastors, Mike and James, had us list off all of the different tests doctors might run to see if your healthy (naturally we had some weird ones, but they ran all the way from temperature to rectal exams). Then, afterwards, he had us come up with parallels to them that we could use to test our church's healthiness, like eye exam was equal to our church's Vision, endurance test was equal to our faithfulness, rectal exam equal to what we put out into the world... It was both fun and interesting.

Afterwards, we were told to grade our youth group based on these, and I'm sad to say most people gave our group a D to about a B-. We had one F and one B+, and nothing higher than that. And I was one of them. Our youth group has lost sight of what we should really be doing, and our faith isn't as on fire outside of the church, which defeats the whole purpose. And I was glad to see that the group, as a whole, was realizing this and wanting to fix it. To a lot of us, church has become our second (or in my case, third) home, and the group is our family. So when we're not taking care of our home and family, we suffer, and that causes the rest of the group to suffer as well. It's a terrible thing, but it looks like God is about to step in and get things back on track. The Good Doctor is in! :D Now here's some humor...



Ending Prayer:
Lord, I pray that you will in fact step in and take over the youth group, because right now we don't have the momentum we need to actually make a difference, not just in the community but in each other's lives. A lot of the group is suffering right now, God, and I pray that you'll take care of them, and lift them up. I pray that they'll use tonight as a learning experience, and that they'll implement everything we talked about in their daily lives, so that we may all better glorify you. Thank you for everything, Lord.
In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

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Smut for Smut and Lots of Prayers

POSTED ON: Tuesday, April 3, 2012 @ 8:25 PM | 0 comments

The University of Texas is once again having it's annual Smut for Smut campaign, which is run by their Atheist Agenda chapter at the college. It's a campaign where people can trade in religious texts (aka the Bible, Quran, the Torah, etc etc) for hardcore pornography. They say they do it to raise awareness for atheism and to bring the minority "out of the dark," when really it has become a kind of religion-bashing event.

Last year a group of Christians tried to stop it by tearing down signs, and ended up in a shouting match with the Atheist Agenda members. The police ended up getting involved and the University said that the campaign could continue, so this year the Christians on campus have to suffer in silent protest. The few who do stand up with signs are being verbally abused and ridiculed for their action.


This is absolutely horrible :( I honestly don't understand the reasoning behind this. If atheists want to (supposedly) promote tolerance then why do something as hateful as equating religion to hardcore pornography? It's shameless and... well, just down right mean. But that doesn't change the fact that these people need our prayers. Not only should we pray for the Christians who are trying to protest against this but also for the people falling into this trap. And for the atheists who don't understand God's love or presence.

Now, as a woman I feel obligated to post this video. It's kind of frightening, thinking about the fact that someone could hack into your webcam and view you whenever they wanted to, and to use that to stalk you. And I'd like to request that you pray for the people who have had this done to them.





I admit, it terrifies me a little bit, but thankfully my webcam isn't attached to my laptop, and therefore not constantly plugged in. I actually really don't use it that much...

Anyway, other than those two things today was a relatively good day. I finished an amazing book yesterday called Castaway Kid that really opened my eyes, and put things into perspective. It made me so thankful for my family and friends, and for all of the privileges I have had growing up. I honestly recommend it to anyone who struggles with family issues and abandonment issues.

Ending Prayer:
God, I pray for each and everyone one of the people at the University of Texas. I pray that You help them realize that what they're doing is wrong, and that You give the Christians there the strength and courage to stand up against it, Lord, and to spread Your word in this hateful environment. Lord, I also pray for the victims of webcam hacking, because God, I looked it up today and it's starting to happen so much... You can find out how just by searching YouTube! God, please put some sense into people, and to protect their victims from this blatant invasion of privacy Lord. I also pray that You'll be with me, and with anyone reading this God, and that You'll help us throughout the rest of our day.
In Your name I pray, Amen.

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Pass the Salt, Please

"Faith is a living and unshakable confidence. a belief in God so assured that a man would die a thousand deaths for its sake." Martin Luther

Prayer Requests

Please pray for me to know what God wants in regards to my beginning to study the things I learned about while I was wiccan once more, and pray that I can use that knowledge to further glorify God.

Worried About:

Whether or not I will get that job at UPS, and if I don't how I will be able to pay for college. I really hope that I do get it, and I'm praying that I will.